if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
