My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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