A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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