Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
