My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Is it penis luge time yet?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
