I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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