yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
only if we run a train.
done.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
