I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
