just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
