well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
