I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Dear god my vagina.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
