his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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