so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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