News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
