Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
