Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize