I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
