Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Watching her eat just hurts me
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
