If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
