She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
