I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
