i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
