I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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