I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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