at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
