Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize