There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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