If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
