$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
