i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
