Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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