Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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