i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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