i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
