it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
