why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
