By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
