Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
