hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
we're so committed to being not committed
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
