piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
