Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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