I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
