we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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