apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
