hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
it was like eating out sand paper
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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