was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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