I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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