I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
