Banned from zoo.
Again?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
