so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
His hands were made for my vagina.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I party with great urgency now.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
