another moral hangover. fuck.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
