Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
