im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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