i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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