i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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