My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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