I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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