I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
