you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
