I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
where are my eyebrows?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize