Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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