i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Randomize
