a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
