Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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