i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
