my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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