I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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