Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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