I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
